I honestly didn't think I would ever talk about this in public...
It is one of those things that I would rather just forget about and pretend like nothing ever happened. And it's something that is super uncomfortable for me to talk about because I don't want anyone to pity me or think of me any differently because of it.
BUT.... God has been putting this on my heart that I have to speak my truth, and if I can just help one person to know that there is hope for them, then this will all be worth it for me.
So here goes nothing....
For 2 years I was in a very toxic and abusive relationship. It started off being mental abuse and then turned physical quickly after we moved in together. Listen to my story here.
For years I fed myself these lies and I really believed them:
"I am weak."
"I am so afraid."
"I'm scared of everything."
"I cry too much."
"I'm helpless."
"I'm powerless."
"He has this hold over me and I can't shake it."
"I can't live without him."
I have never felt more weak in my life than I did when I was in that relationship. I let the abuse go on for far too long because I was afraid of what would happen to me if I tried to leave him. I finally did free myself from him for good almost 3 years ago, which I'll talk about at a later date.
During that relationship, I was in such a bad mental state that I would blame myself for the abuse. I would think, "If I would have just done this, then that wouldn't have happened." Or trying to think of ways that I could have done things differently to not make him angry.
I didn't realize at the time that God was right there with me, working in my favor on several different occasions. I was so consumed in this toxic relationship that I had put God on the back burner. I honestly didn't think I deserved God's help or love.
Luckily, we have such a loving and gracious God that never fails. He was my strength when I felt weak and he had his hand over me, protecting me along the way. It's by the grace of God that I'm even alive to be able to tell my story.
Throughout the past 2 years of doing a lot of soul searching and strengthening my relationship with God, I have found my strength. The times where I do start to get scared or worried about anything, I lean on God.
The truth is in these scriptures:
"I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me."
-Philippians 4:13
"So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous hand."
-Isaiah 41:10
"But those who hope in the Lord will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint."
-Isaiah 40:31
"My flesh and my heart may fail, but God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever."
-Psalm 73:26
"He gives strength to the weary and increases the power of the weak."
-Isaiah 40:29
If you have ever felt weak, helpless, or ever went through a similar situation as I have, or maybe you are going through it right now; just know that there is hope. You are strong, you are enough, and you don't need anyone to complete you. You can and will survive. God will give you strength and will get you through it, just lean on him. Reach out to God for help, he is right here waiting for you.
Here are some affirmations that I use at times where I feel weak:
"I am a survivor."
"The Lord gives me strength."
"I'm fearless with God by my side."
"I can handle anything that comes my way with the strength of God."
"I am powerful."
Write these down and say them out loud when you feel weak or helpless. You can also make your own.
I'm praying that God wraps his arms around you and protects you. I pray that you feel the strength that God is giving you in the times where you feel weak. I pray that you lean on the Lord and reach out to him at all times. I pray that you know that you are enough, you are strong, and you are amazing. In Jesus name, Amen.
Never forget to choose faith over fear.
-Lorena Camille
(Faith Fuels My Fire)
p.s. If you'd rather listen to Faith-based, business, mindset, and mental health tips, then check out my podcast. There I will share my personal experiences, stories I've never told before, and bring you along the hot mess life of mine. New episodes every week.
You can also follow me on Instagram (_lorenacamille_.) I'll be posting frequently and doing daily stories. I'll follow you back :)
Want to be apart of a community of Christian women coming together, supporting, motivating, inspiring, and loving each other? Join our Facebook Community